Bullied by barn manager, really bothering me

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Susan on December 6, 2009 at 2:15pm

I agree with your boyfriend that you should get a receipt for everything. Also, do you have to be friends with the barn manager? Is it a big barn with lots of boarders? If so, I would be friendly with the barn manager and keep your relationship professional, not personal. Do you have to help her with her horses? Usually, the barn staff do the turn-out, feeding, mucking etc. Does you barn run differently and what is expected of the boarders?

Permalink Reply by Kimlittlehorse on January 11, 2010 at 3:07pm

I've always helped her out around the barn and she's NEVER NEVER Taken anything off my board. Yes she is my friend, but it's hard to keep the boarder/ friend part separate. It's confusing

Permalink Reply by Marti Langley on December 7, 2009 at 8:19am

Hi, Kim, I agree with Susan, get receipts and don't worry about being her friend. Just keep it professional. She doesn't sound worthy of your friendship.

Permalink Reply by Shirley on January 11, 2010 at 6:02pm

I'm confused. Isn't this an old discussion from several months ago?
Maybe you are still having problems and want new input?
If you have to do favors for someone to be their friend ...then they aren't a true friend.
Pay what you owe with checks so you have proof so neither of u can get confused.
I have a good relationship with my stable owners. I "like" to do some of the chores when I
feel like it cause I like having that little time with the other horses that aren't mine. At times I think I'd like to get paid, BUT, I have no commitment that I have to be there at a certain time or at all. No one asked me to do it. If a horse is being wild and crazy and I don't feel up to dealing with it, it's not my job. I don't have to. I don't have to worry about being there on time if it's not my job. If they are your friends and it's not your job and they do get niffed when you don't help~~they'll get over it. Sometimes you just have to speak up, get it out in the open and get on with it. If you can't talk this over reasonably, it's probably not a healthy friendship.
If you can't afford to move, she must be giving you a good price for board. It is a business relationship. What you describe is not how a friend would treat another friend.

Permalink Reply by Kimlittlehorse on January 11, 2010 at 8:35pm

Thanks Shirley. Yes, I do this stuff just b/c I LIKE to do it and love the other horses. Funny I just had a talk with her tonight and she was being really cool. She just gets upset that I have my ex (whom) I pay to come out in the AM to do things and he's always messing stuff up. Lately my car hasn't been running and my fiance has been taking me to the barn at night. It is a great price for the board and one of the ONLY places in town where I can do self or part care, use all my own supplements (with the exception of worming......which I think I mentioned above) and pick out my own hay and feed. This is very important to me b/ my horse is getting quite old. I don't always trust anyone to blanket or take care of him. The weather can be very unpredictable here. I think that she really does care about me and my horse; however, if I help TOO much....she gets used to it and then gets pissed when I'm not around. When I first got there, she told me that I was the new "barn manager" b/c I helped out so much. Seemed like she kind of wanted out of the business. I think that we both get irritated at the same things. When we are getting along, it's great! But sometimes she drinks and forgets things. If I could have my own place and still visit her every once in a while I would. Unfortunately , I can't afford my on place yet. I guess it all comes down to I HATE BOARDING :P Thanks for letting me vent ;)

Permalink Reply by splash on January 22, 2010 at 4:29am

I know where you are coming from. I used to teach at a barn with an owner just like you describe. Every new instructor was better than me, lol. I had to pick my lesson horses shit out of the arena after every lesson. No biggie except the other instructors never had to.

She helped me out at times and I helped her out. Except........she always reminded me of how she helped me out and yes she was a bully (can't keep staff).

Eventually it all went to shyte.

You need to start looking for a new place. I was so caught up in the drama I left that too long and lost my horse over it.

Get out now. Before it happens to you!

While getting reciepts is a good idea my bully barn owner never gave me "credit" for all the extra work/time I put in. It wasn't worth it in the end. I paid and paid and paid and worked my butt off. In the end my resentment built to the point I refused to teach for her so she kicked us out. And we had nowhere to go so my horse had to be sold.

Start looking NOW for another place for your horse. I'm convinced not all barn owners are that horrible. It's worth the extra money to find a new situation. I just wish I had before things went from bad to worse.

Permalink Reply by Kimlittlehorse on January 22, 2010 at 9:47am

Thanks for all the info everyone. I sure appreciate it! These are some reallygood things to think about.

Permalink Reply by Kimlittlehorse on January 22, 2010 at 9:52am

oops.....errr I meant REALLY GOOD :P

Permalink Reply by Kimlittlehorse on January 22, 2010 at 9:51am

I'm so sorry you lost your horse. That is so sad! I guess that I really don't want to move, I should just not expect ANYTHING in return if I do (and I do it just for fun).

That's the only fair thing to do. He loves the herd, he's happy there. I don't want to go to a place that's worse, because I HAVE been in worse boarding situations!

I hope to build my own little farm one day! Wish me luck on winning the lottery!!!!!!!!! ;)

Permalink Reply by splash on January 22, 2010 at 11:58am

Slc2 nailed it. I hope to build my own little barn one day to, but I'll never get my horse back.

When push came to shove I had 2 other boarding options open to me (I thought). Neither had turn-out. I "felt" pushed into a corner. I wouldn't/couldn't expect my 24/7 turned out horse in either situation. So I let him go.

In hindsight slc2 had it right. I had a lot of other options, I just couldn't see them at the time because it became too stressful.

I'm flabbergasted you can read all this and still stay. In hindsight I could have moved my horse hours and hours away and managed to keep him. But I don't beat myself up about it. I responded in the midst of depression/anxiety.

You asked a question and you've gotten some well thought out answers. I suspect you'll keep asking the same question until someone gives you the answer you want to hear. That it's OK but it's gonna lead you to a world af heartache.

Permalink Reply by Kimlittlehorse on January 22, 2010 at 2:49pm

I hope not.
It's not so simple. The thing is, my former trainer (when I was a teen...the woman who taught me EVERYTHING about training) supposedly killed herself. The homicide aspect, was never investigated.

Where I am now, the BM was her best friend. It makes it harder for me because I really connect with this woman and have some closure about my former "role model" horse trainer's death.

I'm not looking for a "right or wrong" answer.
Things are great and sometime's they're just confusing and frustrating. I just got on this site to vent and get feedback.

I love horses, I'd go crazy without them. I'm willing to communicate with her and MOST of the time, that works out.

I know if my horse died today, I would still care for her like I am her younger sister. I'd still visit and pet and help her horses and the other boarders.
I hope this makes sense.
It's kinda like a roller coaster :P

Boundaries aren't always easy for me to communicate and I think she must feel the same sometimes.