Help with my old skittish Mare

I purchased my 14 year old Mare over a year ago, she was suppose to be my riding horse. I bought her to ride since my gelding I purchased over a year before that was dangerous on the ground so there was really no sense in even trying to get on his back.

Anyway the Mare, was advertised as trained had even been in the Calgary light horse display, photos on the website showed a rider on her.

I remember asking over and over of the person I bought her from are you sure I can ride her while she is pregnant, I knew if I did it would only be light trail anyway, as I am not a big risky rider. I just want to trail ride. She reassured me that it was fine, just spend time with her and lunge her.

Well turns out I had surgury and could not ride her so I got to spend over 2 months with her before asking my husband to get on her for me. Saying we got to ride her otherwise she is just going to think that all she has to do is eat grass.

So he got on her back and he didn't even get a chance to put his foot in the 2nd sturip, that was over a year ago. She took off so fast and I was sure she killed him when he went flying and then she fell , got back up and took out a couple of electric fences. I was sure she lost her foal as she was only a couple months pregant at that point.

Since then we have just got close to her slowly, she does not like being caught and is the only one I have kept a halter on. When I catch her I do it by walking close to her but not like I am going towards her. I will stand close and then she comes to me. Walking up to her causes her to take off. And if that happens then I am in the postion of having to make her work. " So you don't want to come to me AY!!! And make her run, till she finally stops and lets me walk up to her.

I am starting to think this is a game with her, and there is no need for it.

Once I have her she is perfect, she backs she sides , all I have to do is look at her hips and she moves for me , so yes. It's obvious she has been trained.

Oh and she hates anything that looks like a whip, her ears go back her nostrils start puffing and she is out of this world scared to death.

But yesterday I took her out, lundged her a bit and walked her and spent some time getting her to do as I wished. She was perfect.

Then I took the lunge stick with long line" and rubbed her legs with it. You could tell she was scared to death. There was no relaxation at all with her as I rubbed her with this.

I then proceeded to put a big tarp on the ground and get her to walk on it. She was reluctant of course, but with a bit of time she did. I let her smell it first but could not rub her with it, so I just put it down.

Will she is always just be scared to death of everyting? Will she always be hard to catch.

The reason I think it's a game with her is because she will come to you if you do not go to her first. She will not come if called. But if I am sitting under a tree reading she will come and stiff my hair and look for scratches.

The thing is she is perfect once I catch her as far as doing as I want her to do other than a terrible fear.

My gelding who I could not even stand beside is my pussy cat now, and I can get up on him and even ride him now with just his halter. He is perfect.

Can't for one second even think of getting on her. I got my husband to hold her as I lifted my leg over last week and I told him to be prepared because I knew I would be jumping off. I had to almost immediately.

If this is going to take more time I can deal with that, but if there is something I am missing I sure could use your advice .

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Veronica Delagard on August 3, 2010 at 1:55pm

Hi Jennifer

I do have a few min while the rough cools before I make my gravy, and then it's off to groom one of my dogs. I am glad I asked about this because yes, I am getting a lot of support but also some good advice. Strange that your trainer is basically telling you the same thing I have been doing with her. So maybe it will just take time. I guess and maybe depending on how severe they were tramatized.

Someone told me once that it was my husband that she did not want near her, and I am trying to figure out a way to see if that is true. He is not mean, but maybe her fear is men, just like one of my dogs was.

So many things go on in your head when you just want to make them happy and relaxed. I want to read her , as silly as my husband thinks it is.

Our horses have access to our 100 Acres , and sometimes we have to section what pasture and paddocks we do have to allow the grass to grow, so one day I was closing off the paddock after filling the water buckets and my gelding came over to where I was hooking up, and looked at me like to say and it seemed to me he was asking for something. Let me go in there !! So I answered him out load and said as long as your back on the other side before daddy gets home , so I let him in the paddock to eat away at the grass.

I forgot to get him back in time and my husband said " What's he doing in there" Oh I said he wanted to just graze by himself for an hour, so I let him in. My hubby said how do you know he wanted in there and I said he asked me that's why. Of course he looked at me funny , you know the look like your an idiot!!!

Well it is so funny because now I notice my gelding trying to talk to him and he pays no attention and wonders why my gelding pins his ears at him.

I don't know but maybe we have something here. I am in no hurry are you???

And this may seem funny but I wanted to mention it yesterday, but didn't.

I have 6 sisters and many girlfriends over the years who always used to say to me " Gee why is it you have no problem getting a man? I would say, cause I don't want one.

I think the answer lies in the chase. The more you chase the less your chances of having what you want. Stand back and let it come to you.

The only problem with that in relationships is once you have what you want and you start to act like it's important to you It's also gone. So we got to act like we Just don't give a Heck!!!

That's what I did with my gelding and that is what I am doing with my Mare. Seems when I soften I lose she is gone.

Well time to make that gravy!!!

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Lamm on August 3, 2010 at 7:30pm

Oh I had to giggle at a few things.. one am I in a hurry? HA!! I am so not in a hurry, 6 years into horses and not even riding anymore.... .... I guess it does depend on a few things... my trainer is a professional and my Toby won't go near him...... he prefers me and I am the novice... secondly, I've had my horses read numerous times and I learned a TON..... thirdly it was funny when your husband asked how you knew he wanted to go in there, LOL.... and lastly, my horse went from so painfully shy and afraid to vocal and boisterous and downright obnoxiiously friendly now woohoo!!

I have one orphan previously so hopelessly lost for leadership and trying so hard to be good..... and one so painfully shy that he takes every day to rebond.. and between shy and bold I just hangout and try and be a good mama.. and that's what I do... man I wish I had 100 acres... that is downright awesome.. enjoy the gravy!!

Jen

Permalink Reply by Veronica Delagard on August 3, 2010 at 8:17pm

No Jen, like you not riding. The gravy's for him and so was the Shepards Pie, I am fat and am dieting again.

Hey , we have to laugh don't we? At this stage of my life having horses at all, amazes me, and the 100 Acres well it would be nice if my gelding wasn't herd bound and we could enjoy it. They will all go off with each other in the woods, but not for a trail ride, So there take one step forward and two steps back. I am so busy with all the dogs that I own that I don't have the time for the horses I wish I did, so I don't ride either. Only in bits , flashes .Then it's over.

I am like you enjoying the ride though, it amazes me just how we can commuicate if we try and we are not in a hurry.

Now my little colt he is a whole different ball game. He is as all youngers full of vim and vigor and sometimes he remembers that he can not open his mouth to you and other times he just does it, and I do not think twice and let him have it. It kills me to do but I want him to know as soon as possible that he can not put his teeth on me. Just when I think he has got it and his behavour is good he shows me that he can do as he pleases. It's his young age I guess. He is testing his boundaries with the other horses and with me. The older he gets the more nerve he seems to have.

My husband babies him and that is find right now, but he will not stay a baby for very much longer and then if I don't nip this now he will just be too much for me. Once he learns I will not put up with his rought houseing we may be alright.

You'd like my 100 Acres, I want your run in!!! Wow, it's obvious your husband either likes what he does and finishes his projects or you have a whole lot more money than I do and hired someone Because if you saw my run in!!!

I wish at this point I could hire someone to finish all the projects hubby has started and never finished. I can't even drive anywhere as he is working on 3 vehicles, the only one that works is the one he gets to work in.

Sometimes I think I started this retirement dream a bit too late , I used to describe this whole mess as Green Acres, now I just say we are like Ma and Pa kettle.

But I do look out my kitchen window or out on my front lawn and it makes me smile. This photo is when my little colt scratched his bum so much he tipped the bird bath . The other horses don't look to impressed with him. I know I wasn't . It took two grown men to put it back up.

I love your horse, especially the bay!!

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Permalink Reply by Donna Douglas on August 4, 2010 at 12:33am

Bold as Brass that one! What a defiant, in your face expression!!! (:

Permalink Reply by Donna Douglas on August 3, 2010 at 7:52pm

This is the MOST friggin' AWESOME discussion I have followed on Barnmice! I LMAO'd & cried a bit too because I see shades/shadows of my 2 adult horses' "previous lives" all the time and it is something that they have a really hard time releasing. My 2 colts ~ now not colts at all, but 5 and 4 are not properly saddle broken yet, 1) because of my back ~ anyone have some helpful advice for degenerating discs & sciatica???? & 2) when I started them, it began to scare them, so like you Veronica, I just slowed it right down & we concentrate on spending time in the moment.
Veronica you're a whisperer for sure! All of you have expressed the heart & soul of why I have horses (4) ~ to care for, to be with and to walk our path together as a herd.

Permalink Reply by Jackie Cochran on August 3, 2010 at 8:17pm

I have no suggestions for the discs.
I have found considerable help for my now infrequent sciatica from combination homeopathic medicines. Several companies make a Sciatica formula (sometimes called Pain), and you can find them in health food stores. If one formula does not work, find another one with some different remedies in it (though all of them have ingredients in common, just look for some different ingredients in the mixture). This is not a guarantee, but I have had great success with using homeopathic combination remedies for many things, and now my family comes to me when something is wrong to see if I've got something for it.
There are some homeopathic combination remedies for Back Pain, Hyland makes one you can even find in grocery or drug stores. There are other companies that make Back Pain formulas (some are even for different parts of the back--low back pain, neck pain.)
Good luck finding something that helps!

Permalink Reply by Veronica Delagard on August 3, 2010 at 9:00pm

Oh Donna, don't tell my husband you think I am doing a good job!! But thank you. And yes, I am enjoying this disscussion too, but you can see by now I do have a habit of going off to some other land too.

You mentioned your colt when they were young, well don't be so hard on yourself. I have my first colt too and I really believe that even though I have read all this stuff about handling from day one etc, that they really need that time with their moms , just like my dogs do. Oh I believe in being there and enjoyed it when Mom sent him to me , but I also didn't like the fact that she let him jump all over her and I didn't see her even try to correct him, so I did right from day one. I am not rough with him most of the time, but if he even thinks of biting me even in a playful way that is usually how he is trying to do it . I will wallup him. I hardly think a horse whisper will do that. But if he just gets a bit overexcited I look at him and tell him and he puts his head down and walks away from me. He knows I am pissed off. I walk away too, and I can see him watch me, and then when I come around again he is right there showing me he is a good boy!!! See he is testing me.

I decided to let my husband train him to walk and lead etc you know the man thing. He never had horses before and actually he is pretty good with them. Well now I am not sure that was a good idea. He has done a great job with his young 4 year old and is now working on my 3 year old mare, but this boy I see him out there with him walking side by side my husbands hand on his bum 3 months later encouraging him to come on boy. He won't move if you are in front of him with the rope saying come. I would have at this point made him. Not coddled him. I just figure he is young and they are not stupid . I have been around my gelding long enough now to see that he too in the beginning was testing me.

When he would try to bite me, his old reaction from people was they hit him or kicked him or something, and he assumed I would do the same thing, but the difference is he is an older horse and was 14 when I got him and more than likely was more than hit for biting. not a 3 month old that is being coddled by my husband and not corrected by his Mother.

You may laugh at this, but the way I got my gelding to stop trying to bite me . Just imagine if you said something nasty to me and I smiled and said to you " I am so sorry your having a bad day" you more than likely would be shocked by this response from me and maybe even think about how you just bad mouthed me for no reason. Right???

Well if you put your hands over your horses nose face area by their mouth they can not bite you, if you make sure you don't take your hand away. Well if my gelding tried to bite me while I brushed him at the cross ties for an example I would go out in front of him and put my hand on his nose and talk baby talk to him, " Oh you silly boy!!! Why in the world would you want to bite me? And give him a big kss on his nose and then go back to brushing him. After doing that a few times he must of thought to himself " Why bother " What would I tell my horse buddies anyway. I bite her because she kisses me and rubs my nose???

It's all a learning experince for me and as long as I remember that they have feelings just as I do maybe we can get somewhere, but that colt!!!

I think about him this way, I don't have children but those 6 sister that had a hard time finding a man do. And boy some of the kids!!! Wew!!! Anyway I remember one sister's son, my nephew was 3 years old when he learned swear words, and oh boy that was so funny to his parents and most adults. Well it might be funny as a 3 year old but hey when that 3 year old stands over you at 17 years old and talks to his parents in that way or any human being I think it's too late to instill any right from wrong. I see my colt the same way. He will never be abused, but he will learn manners, if not from my husband , from me.

And against eveyone's advice I put him in with all the other horses, a month ago. I figure if his Mom won't teach him how to behave the others will. And they are, my gelding finally has someone to push around once in awhile as he does get pretty bossed by the girls. But he loves him and they all do really, but he is learning to behave. He is a horse first and soon he will be a very big Stallion, that will surely be a new chapter. We will see what we will see!!!

Now your back I have had 2 back surguries I have no business even getting on a horse!!!

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Lamm on August 4, 2010 at 2:29pm

Hi Veronica.. beautiful horses all of them, wow, the baby has not a care in the world.. I recognize that look in his eye. ...... my husband is not rich but he does not do anything at my house and so yes he hires people..... but I only get to have two horses too so that's that... mostly I put the run in for my horses, but also to boost up the facilities here so my property will sell for more if I sell it... the horse facilities were crap when I moved in.... :) The bay is Oliver.. he was a 2 month old, orphaned wild mustang that my trainer brought me and helped me raise up..... he is not afraid of anything and I had to be his mom and it about killed me... plus I did not know how to wallup a horse or do anything, but shit girl I learned.... he's getting much nicer and softer and losing that chip on their shoulder that they have when they are colts.. that whole "make me" thing.... I get what you are saying about leading... with Oliver though I decided instead of asking him to move forward when he's being a butt I either back him up hard or I turn his butt around in a circle and disengage his butt end and whalla you got yourself a nice horse!!

I put my Oliver with his uncle Toby here who is a kind gelding but helped me raise him up.... and I've orphaned it with his help, my trainer's help and me.. we've all tried to raise up this youngin.... I'm like a junior trainer.. lol.... learning on a wild orphaned mustang colt... woohooo!! talk about against everyones advice, He literally treated me like your colt is treating his mom and I had to keep him from jumping on me.. any questions, LOL..... but this is your thread about a skittish mare and my horse does not fit that category.. for my skittish gray older horse I had to really work at gettting him to join up.. took me almost 2 years.... now he's been my horse for 6 years....... he's dangerous to ride, he spins and backs off the trail so I just take him on long walks and roundpen him and play with him on line but I quit riding him... he's 28 and sometimes I wonder about his mental state.... wooollllooooo he's a wierdo... short walks he's good and hills if I lead him and he's my joggin buddy now... Oliver is my steady eddie.. I cannot wait to ride him... :)

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Lamm on August 4, 2010 at 2:33pm

Permalink Reply by Veronica Delagard on August 4, 2010 at 3:07pm

Hi there Jennifer

This is everyones tread , and I am enjoying all your stories about your guys, just not good at remembering all the names. Old Timers!!! I guess. Your Oliver sounds like he is in bedded in your heart like my Klipse is to me.

And I was going to try and find out how to stop the jumping but my little guy stopped , maybe it was because I would shoo him away , when he wanted to be loved on, maybe he just figured it out. But I would not let him near me when he started that stuff.

Same as his food dish, if he runs out there like a cowboy I chase him away and give him the old dirty eye and no bad boy treatment, and take his food away, he gets nothing!! And his Mom is sure not going to share hers. He is learning.

I honestly believe if I spent as much time with my Mare as I do my gelding she would come around for me. She watches the way I am with him, I see her looking in the corner of her eye , but he is my boy !! It's too bad really because I think they know there are favorites and she wants me to choose her. I can't, but I can still love her and do my best to gain more of her trust.
And as far as Oliver knowing about your back, and your talks with him. I believe he understands just as my Klipse does.

Last year I had been giving Klipse some grass by the pond on the other side of the fence, just passing it over to him as I pulled it, then I decided to come back and stand where he was . All of a sudden the other horses were there and I was overpowered by horses wanting me to give them what I was giving him. I got a bit frightend and decided to make a bee line to the other end of the pasture and get out. I didn't know how I was going to do it safely but I had to get out before I got hurt. Klipse walked beside me the whole way. I knew he wasn't doing it for the grass as I didn't have any more. I thought is he walking so close , but safe to help me get to safety. I didn't know last year, but this year . I was standing there rubbing him and talking to him and then a gust of wind came up which spooked the 2 young mares that were close by. They headed right for me and Klipse, he took 2 steps in front of me and the other horses got out of his way.

I knew at that moment just what he did, and no one could tell me any different. Lets just say my heart welled up and so did the tears flow.

Aren't these creatures just so perfect????

I wonder if I dare show my husband your wonderful run in???

Oh and thank you your horses are pretty nice too.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Lamm on August 4, 2010 at 3:33pm

My Oliver does that with people... and it's very intimidating.. he shooes them away from me.... both Steve, my trainer, and I are working on socializing him and teaching him that he cannot be disrespectful to people.... maybe with your mare you can look at it like I do with my horses.... I do not have a favorite... I'm in charge of both of them, one shy, one boastful... each of them is a lesson for me to learn my attraction exercises with... how to draw one in and how to shoo one off.... what would I do without both of my horses???? they are both so amazing..... or you can say, I have one girl to bond with and one boy... you need both of them for your journey..... my run in cost about $2,000. I built another one last year again for my property because my property was crappo.... here's a pic.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Lamm on August 4, 2010 at 3:35pm

I spent about 3 years letting my trainer work with Oliver.. now that I work with hes, he's imbedded in my heart.. he tries alot harder than Toby does... Toby is so in his head of fear and flight..... poor old guy. see him in the back standing away???? that's him.... shy. Oliver opens his gate and comes out to me... silly little guy....

raising a young horse used to be the hardest thing I ever did and now it's the best thing I've ever done..... :)