Braiding “For The Rest Of Us”

Having done a lot of substantial equine reading from a young age I am completely aware of the fact that tradition dictates that our horses must be presented in a certain way, including how they are groomed.

I know that in more traditional times geldings had a certain number of braids, stallions another and mares yet another.

I don’t do that. Never have, never will. I’m mavericky.

Now I do take great pride in my horse’s appearance and pride myself on doing a good job. A shiny healthy coat and meticulously cleaned professional looking equipment (along with not appearing outwardly crazy) goes a tremendous way in making the amateur look as good as the best professional. Add to this a conscious effort to adhere to your sport’s “style” and you’re cooking.

Plus there’s a definite advantage to the fact that when you and your horse look

better you feel better and when you feel better you perform better.

I suppose some sports psychology person would be able to tell you why that is, as I cannot. I only know it’s a fact.

Given the fact I want to give my horse the best possible presentation in the least painful way I decided to use a little creativity in this department and is the key. In this light I always did my braids according to my horses neck, both length and shape. I also had a desire to avoid locked finger syndrome for two days afterwards.

Maybe it was my ADD or a stunning lack of patience that I created my own Frankenstein braiding style, but there is no denying it has actually worked well for me all these years. The best part is, from start to finish it takes maybe twenty minutes. Plus I don’t have a pay a dime for some non-ADD wench to do it.

Through the many years and many disciplines I found myself borrowing from one tradition and applying it to another especially when it came to the art of braiding. So from the western world I discovered the joy of “Braidettes”. I love them!!

In my readings I saw that English braiding involved a too-complex-for-me procedure complete with colored yarn and needles.

I don’t do colored yarn and needles, so the choice of materials was easy.

I do little colored rubber band “Braidettes” along with pretty colored combs. The color of the combs serves no purpose other than letting you more easily identify your comb when the bitchy boarder next to you borrows it without asking even though you can buy a hundred of them for a dollar.

(Hey, where’s my hoof pick? If that byotch took my pick…… oh, here it is. She must have used it and put it back in the wrong place! I hate her…)

The first thing I do is find something to step on to make me taller so I can be looking down upon the horse’s crest. In a perfect world it’s a stool that you’ll use. In my world, on a good day, it’s a milk crate. Don’t have too many good days like that so most of the time it is the trusty upside down bucket as a stable step-stool substitute. (Try saying that five times fast)

Admit it – I know there are a bunch of fellow bucketeers reading this. Folks like me who

find the art of braiding not challenging enough and who need to add a balancing

act into the mix as well. If you wobble or lose your balance, you’ll fall off and send the bucket shooting across the aisle, sometimes startling a ½ bored to death sleepy horse. Yet worse, you usually yell out an “OOoooh” or something and it gets everyone’s attention and you feel momentarily stupid until you see the bitchy boarder

next to you get dragged out to a patch of grass by her horse as if she was a rag doll.

Sorry, I digress… back to topic.

First, I lock and load my fingers with a bunch of little braidettes around my fingers for easy access. This way they are right *BAM* there when I need them and I don’t have to reach for them.

I’ll take my little plastic comb thing and measure the part for my first braid. You know the type of comb, about three inches long. Some of them have a little circle cut out in the center. I’m not speaking of the braiding comb, that’s different and yet another implement I never had need for.

Can anyone tell me what the hell that circle cut out thing in the middle of many mane combs is for? Now THAT is the consummate equine trivia question!

That particular measurement of hair could be tweaked according to the thickness of the mane, but for the horses I braided it was a good way to measure quickly and easily.

In the beginning I’d pull that section of mane down and take one of my tiny rubber bands and twist that band on to form my first section. Now I just separate that section, hold back the rest of the mane with the mane comb and I braid it down, rubber banding off the end. Sometimes if there are long stray hairs I’ll take a scissor and make the bottom even across. This makes the next part a lot easier.

I’d also snip with the scissors any other long straggly hairs sticking out from the braid. Then, I move on down the mane, continuing to make my way down towards the withers.

For thinner hair areas I’d make the part slidely wider, maybe 1/8 of an inch wider that the comb. For thick hair areas I’d make the part a bit narrower than the comb, again by about an 1/8.

The widest section would be the last right by or on the withers. To me this section always reminded me of a person’s underarm hair as you were best served clipping it down at the very end where there would be those pesky five hairs that refused to comply to a braid.

So now I have a string of parted sections of manes. The hair on the crest is well tamed and flat and nice and neat looking.

Then I go back to the first section, fold the braid once in half, and then carefully fold it in half again. My fingers keep it all in line and neat. I then spin another little rubber band around the thing to hold it and wallah, a pretty dressage braid.

One of the keys is to hold the braid in the position you want it lay. For a button braid that you want to rest above the crest hold the braid up and you bend and band it. If you want it to lie more against the neck (my preference) then hold it down as you work and it won’t stick out like cattle horns.

I never braid the forelock even though “tradition” says you should. Any forelock I try to braid makes the horse look like he’s a unicorn or maybe is wearing a propeller beanie on his head. It’s undignified and a nice, clean forelock is so pretty and expressive anyway.

I go likewise down the neck and soon enough it’s done. All in all it takes me about twenty minutes and it looks pretty good once you get the hang of it.

Sure, it’s McGuyvered to the max, but isn’t that the American way?

How do you McGuyver your braids?