Considering Options

This week I rode both mares, Mia and Cider, and I got three rides in.  Mia’s coughing continues and my rides on her now are mostly in the category of physical therapy, hers and mine.  You all are well aware of how riding horses keeps me walking on my own two feet, and riding Mia now requires me to use a lot of leg to keep her moving out, which means that I strengthen the muscles of my legs every time I ride her.  As for her physical therapy I worry about the mare, Debbie tells me that Mia has coughing fits just hanging out in the pasture, and part of the reason I keep on riding her is that under saddle Mia comes up with some DEEP coughs that bring up phlegm.  I just figure that it is better for Mia to get the phlegm out of her lungs even if the coughing does interfere with fine riding.

Anyway, Debbie has yet another horse that has been officially “abandoned” at her stable, a horse of another MS sufferer who finally realized that she could not afford to keep a horse.  I sympathize since I realized years ago that I could no longer afford to support a horse adequately.  This horse, Bingo, is a gelding, probably a QH/Paso Fino cross, buckskin, adequately trained, short (yeah!), and has a problem with inversion.  Debbie is tired of giving me lessons on Mia, Debbie is worried about my safety on her gelding Tercel, and now she has another horse in her stable that could use my brand of gentle corrective riding, so in two weeks after her vacation she will switch me to Bingo for lessons.  I am looking forward to riding him, many years ago I had a Paso Fino mare, I like the breed and I know how fiery they can get under certain circumstances.  I doubt that Debbie wants me to work on his Paso gait, which is fine with me since I prefer riding the trot.

As with any big change in my life, this has led me to consider the rest of my life, particularly how absolutely miserable my new medicine has made me (by the way Gilenya really helps many people with their MS, it just does not help ME.)  My new neurologist, for some reason, does not want to keep me solely on the one medicine that has helped my MS without major undesirable side effects, Dronabinol.  He insists that it is not enough, and he gave me a long list of other MS therapies and their side effects while cutting the medicine that works for me in half with plans of discontinuing it altogether.  I picked the medicine that seemed to have the fewest undesirable side effects, Gilenya, and ever since I started this medicine five months ago I have lost a THIRD of my endurance, I hurt three times as much, my whole digestive system has thrown me for a loop, and when I get depressed the depression is a lot worse.  I used to be able to go with my husband on one of his business trips a year, now I cannot do this because after two hours in a car my back just HURTS, the idea of riding in a car for eight hours in a day and sitting around at the trade show the next day is inconceivable because of the pain.  I WAS hoping to get up to North Fork School of Equitation this year for a lesson, but with the Gilenya I do not see any way I could stand the trip.

Moreover, I know that this neurologist, if I decide to quit the Gilenya, will insist that I go on ANOTHER MS medicine with even worse side effects.  I refuse to do the interferons since I did Betasaron for many months and I got sick and tired of being in a suicidal depression the whole time I was on it.  Besides that was the drug that caused such a bad attack that it put me on disability.  I did Copaxone for a month, and when my neurologist saw me she quickly agreed with me that the Copaxone was making me WORSE.  Then I have the choice of a chemotherapy drug that I have never tried since it would mess up my digestive system even more.  Then there are a few more drugs that have even worse side effects, side effects of such severity that I fear that they will shorten my life. 

I am considering not going to neurologists any more if they are going to insist on putting me through doing all these drugs that do not CURE the MS.  Hey, if a drug CURED my MS I could put up with some side effects for a little while, since once cured I could stop the drug.  However, the idea of having to take a drug every day for the rest of my life that makes my MS symptoms worse and also makes me a less effective rider is more than I can stand.  Sure, I would really miss the Dronabinol, it deals with the great amount of pain I get from my particular case of Multiple sclerosis, it keeps my immune system tamped down enough so I do not get several exacerbations every year like I used to have, and I do not get dragged down into suicidal depressions like the other anti-MS drugs I’ve tried.  However, in the 23 years since I was diagnosed with MS I have learned a good bit about herbs, nutrients and homeopathy. I could possibly keep my MS under some type of control without the not-too-tender care of a neurologist even without the one pharmaceutical drug that has helped my MS.  I am beginning to think that it makes no sense for me to go to a specialist that wants to refuse me the one drug that works for me.  Since I would probably have to go through the whole rigmarole with any other neurologist (multiple blood tests, MRI’s, fruitless discussions, and spending thousands of dollars needlessly,) I am reluctant to start “doctor hunting.”   

Hey, I just want to ride horses.  Yes, I am severely disabled and I cannot do much with horses but gee, I am still riding.  My riding teacher even thinks that I am useful on horseback; she likes how I train the horses to go on contact, how I get the horses used to obeying less than perfect riders, and how I often come up with useful solutions to a horse’s problems.  I still get excited when I know that I will get to work with another horse that has problems.  I love it when I find a solution that makes the horse happier with being ridden.  It makes me happy that I can give the horses something back for what they give me, the ability to walk on my own two feet.  This makes me really HATE any drug that threatens to take that away from me, and it makes me less than fond of any doctor that does the same.

This is something that I REALLY would appreciate getting some feed back from my wonderful readers! 

To get back to the horses, I have been having better rides on Cider.  I seem to be keeping my seat centered in the saddle better, and she is rewarding me with several steps in a row that are straight.  Cider is a really sweet mare, she takes tender care of even the most inept riders.  However Cider also takes her role as a teacher seriously, and since I supposedly know how to ride, she is ever willing to tell me specifically what I am doing wrong at the moment.  I depend on Debbie to correct my position, and I depend on Cider to tell me what I am doing wrong with my seat.  I am very fortunate to have two such great teachers.

Have a great ride!

Jackie Cochran               

 

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Comment by Paula Stevens on March 26, 2016 at 2:53pm

What ever feels right is what you should do Jackie!! I'm so glad you have been doing well and able to continue your riding. I've been way too busy, I'll be attending the University of Findlay in August(YAY!).

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