Dealing with the what-ifs

This is an approximation of my conversation with my eldest daughter (a beginner rider, 9 years old):

DD1: What if the horse spooks today when I ride?

Me: Well, try to focus on sitting deep in the saddle, staying relaxed and being a quiet leader.

DD1: But I could fall off!

Me: But you didn't yesterday, right?

DD1: But I could!

Me: Yes, but you might not. And the horse might not spook, as the snow isn't melting as much today. So the arena's roof might be quieter.

DD1: But I could fall off!

Me: Is that the worse thing that could happen?

DD1: Yes.

Me: What? That's the worse thing that you could think of, in life? The WORSE?

DD1: Yes!

Me: Sigh. Honey, we've gone over this before. We've talked about your position if a horse is 'out of control', or becomes terribly scared. Or if you become terribly scared. We've talked about mental imagining, with you picturing yourself dealing with the spooking appropriately, and seeing yourself as calm, smiling, reassuring. We've talked about grabbing mane, or the pommel. We've talked about...

DD1: ...But, the horse could spook, maybe start trotting fast, maybe even canter!!! And then I could fall off and BREAK MY ARM! OR BOTH ARMS!

Me: AND THERE COULD BE AN EARTHQUAKE, AND A BIG HOLE IN THE GROUND OPEN UP! AND A HURRICANE! AND THUNDER! RIGHT AS YOU ARE PASSING THE DOOR TO THE ARENA!!

DD1: You don't have to be so dramatic.

Me: <trying to regain composure> I think that I need my coffee.

Sigh. Not quite how I imagined resolving this issue. Such fears have cropped up in other activities, and will most likely crop up again in the future. Amazing how a determined personality, occasionally TOO confident, such as hers, can also be almost paralyzed with certain fears. I don't want to even remember the joys of dealing with loud flushing toilets, and even louder hand dryers, in public washrooms. Or fireworks on Canada Day. Or learning her back tuck in cheerleading (I'll give her that one). A bit of fear is normal, if not healthy.

Nope. Won't be collecting a Mother Badge for that one.

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Comment by RosB on March 16, 2014 at 9:52pm: (forgot to say that I'm sorry to hear about your scary collision!)

Comment by RosB on March 16, 2014 at 9:52pm: Very true, Jackie! One of my first falls was the opposite of limp (or tucking if at great speed - which seems to work well when one is being cannon-balled off the horse): I saw the issue happening in slow motion, as I was riding in a lesson without reins and without stirrups, and another stallion came into the ring, right in my path. Being too beginner a rider (this was a different country, no gelding of horses done), I couldn't steer without reins and when my horse lunged towards the other horse, I fell off with both arms straight out in front, palms flat and promptly broke one wrist :) Not sure that I really learned my lesson, as many years later, when, as a pedestrian crossing the street, I was struck by a car....and turned to try to put both hands on the hood. Hmm, I'll have to think about this one, as I seem to remember another fall, on ice, where I put my hands down to block my fall.....

Comment by Jackie Cochran on March 12, 2014 at 1:00pm: I started riding when I was six. In four years of riding I had fallen off 5 times while the rest of my family had never fallen off a horse. After I restarted riding I fell off many more times.

But back then we were told what to do if we started falling, go completely limp and let your body sort of curl up. Worst thing I ever got riding was one concussion (with unconsciousness), one cracked rib and bruises. I have ridden for over 40 years so I guess I'm doing pretty good.

And you know when this going limp REALLY paid off? When a drunk driver veered into my lane and caused a head-on collision. Just before he hit I went "go limp" just like I do when I fall off a horse. I was very badly bruised and concussed but I had no broken bones.

Learning to fall off a horse can prepare you to face all types of challenges in life!

Comment by RosB on March 12, 2014 at 12:31pm: Aww, thank you Jackie for the support - I felt pretty crummy, guilty, while she shook it off. Thanks for the tip, I didn't even think about that, was thinking more crazy bolting in a field kinda issues. I will get our fake (rainbarrel) horse set back up (moving it to the living room) so that she can also practice. Need to figure out how to add a head/neck to that thing, so she can practice with reins and a fake mane - amazing how things can get all tangled up in a split second.

Comment by Jackie Cochran on March 12, 2014 at 11:02am: You fulfill the requirements for a Mother Badge by giving her the chance to face her fears in a safe, controlled environment.

You might want to ask her riding teacher if she can be taught the emergency dismount. That way your daughter will know that she can bail out safely if it all gets too much for her.

Besides, youth is for falling off the horse. People bounce a lot better when they are young.

Good luck with all this.