The Fine Art of Letting Go or Making Go


The Fine Art of Letting Go or Making Go

By Chris Irwin

Hello and greetings to all from Pearson airport in Toronto. As I type these words I’m sitting beside my lovely wife, Kathryn, waiting to board our early morning flight to Bermuda. For the next five days I’ll be coaching dressage riders and jumpers on this small island nation in the Atlantic before flying next week to the Netherlands for the first European Train the Trainer session of the year.

As I’m waiting to board my plane for the first of so many clinics to come in 2009 – psyching myself up for over 200 days of clinics “on the road” this year, I find myself pondering the old self help cliché of "in life, it's not the destination, it's the journey that counts". So what has this got to do with horses? Well, with our equine friends this philosophy about life is not just “talk” – with horses we must learn to “walk the talk” of “it’s the quality of the journey that counts”.

For example, imagine you are with your horse, either on the ground or in the saddle, and you're asking your horse to halt and stand still and quiet. But your horse moves. To react to the horse that moves like most people naturally do, by suddenly pulling or jerking on the head of the horse to "halt", may or may not get your horse to stand still, but pulling back on the reins will NEVER develop a willing partnership with a horse.

A horse is a prey animal and they are only willing and able to stand still and relaxed when they have no stress. If a horse needs to move when a rider does not want it to move then rather then forcing the horse to stand still perhaps we should ask the important question of accountability; "why doesn't my horse feel comfortable enough with me in this environment to be willing to stand still?"

An analogy for this is that when a pot of water is boiling over you do NOT put a lid on it – we turn down the heat and/or “stir” the pot. We all know that to put a lid on a pot of boiling water will only cause it to boil over. And we all know there are lots and lots of horses out there who are just that – boiling over! These horses do not need a lid to halt – they need to be stirred with movement!

My point here is that when working with our horses if we simply "allow or let a horse go" when we needed to "make a horse go" then the horse will not respect us. On the other hand, if we "make a horse go" when we needed to "allow a horse to go" then it will not trust us.

It's a hard fact to swallow. But the fact is that when a horse both respects and trusts implicitly how his or her rider will react when the horse moves, then the horse feels, not just decides in its mind but viscerally FEELS in the body, that being with his or her leader is definitely in the best interest of the horse and therefore there is no need to “get away” from the rider or the environment. Just the opposite – the horse needs the rider as a “facilitator of well being” and does not run away with the rider but desires only to “be between the aids” of the rider.

It begs to be noted that when there are cowboys with horses that “ground tie” - and when all hell is breaking lose around the horse it still will not cause it to run away – but we have Olympic dressage riders whose horses will run away with their rider because of a sudden appearance of a bird, flapping flag or a shadow on the ground, then the message should be obvious; there’s much more to the art of horsemanship then just learning how to ride.

Learning the classical science of how to “push buttons” on a horse is half the equation but developing the art of empathy and emotional intelligence to think like horses and give them what they truly need from us in order to become the best and most confident they can be is, well, the other half of the equation. And this, my friends, is a horse of a different colour.

The psychological art involved here is not to use bullying tactics to force a horse to be with a rider. We can't really force anyone to want to be with us. Our horses, our family, our friends should want to be us because they respect, trust, admire and, yes, love us, not because we threaten and punish them with negative reinforcement when and if they leave.

Perhaps the author Richard Bach said it best back in the 70’s: “if you love something, set it free – and if it comes back to you it’s yours. But if it doesn’t come back to you, it never was yours.”

My point here is that horses will only give themselves over to us willingly if we care enough to read "why" they need to leave us in the first place and they also know that we will consistently respond appropriately according to both the herd psychology and body language of equus.

It is the art of horsemanship that involves empathy and psychology with a determined focus to always find the perfect balance between respect and trust so that a horse sees his or her rider as a force to be reckoned with but nothing to be afraid of.

When a rider knows how to not only push the buttons correctly on a horse but also knows how to read and feel the energy and emotions of a horse well enough to do so with just the perfect amount of pressure in just the right place at just the right time, so as to be neither too hard or too soft on a horse, then a horse begins to dance instead of merely obey. The real magic begins when a horse knows that you not only know where the buttons are but that you also know where the horse is at emotionally and that you adjust yourself to their psychological needs. Having said that, perhaps the most dramatic example of this concept is when it comes to the difference between "making a horse go" or "letting a horse go".

If the body language of a horse indicates that it is frightened and or leaves respectfully then we should simply allow the horse to move otherwise it will not trust us. If we allow these horses to move when they need to then they will trust us and be relaxed enough to soon be willing to stand at halt quietly with us. On the other hand, if the body language of a horse demonstrates aggressive or rude body language when it needs to move then we should definitely "push" the horse to go or it will never respect us.

For example, when the horse backs away from you while you're on the ground - then you can back away from the horse yourself - or when riding simply turn the horse laterally into a turn on the haunches, without any pulling on the reins or aggressive push to go forward - and in either case, on the ground or in the saddle, if you meet passive with passive, more often then not the horse will then engage back to forward movement and come right back to you. A horse will trust you if you let it go when it needs to go and before long it is willing to stand still.

We have an expression in our culture called "bowing out" and it comes from the horses. Naturally, within the herd, when a horse wants to move but it can't go forward (because if it did it would be intruding upon the space of a dominant horse), then that horse will lower its head and back up, bowing out to say "with all due respect I'm in over my head here" and you never see a dominant horse get aggressive with a horse who is bowing out. When a horse bows out, then remember to "let it go" and it will trust you, start to relax, and soon it will no longer feel the need to bow out and will indeed be ready to stand still.

When horses find that we care about them enough to stay in the moment and not only know where to push the buttons but also how often and how much, or when not to push the buttons, then they see us as shepherds looking out for their best interest and they want to be with us. Yes, we all love our horses, but it is the fine art of empathy and awareness for the true needs of a prey animal that helps them decide to love us in return.

In closing, until I return from Holland in March, please remember, ask not what your horse can do for you - ask what you can do for your horse!


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Comment by Amir Khosro Alai on March 3, 2009 at 3:31am
I very much enjoyed this article. What we often see is a struggle between the horse and the rider, which is not so nice. This article encouraged me to make riding a pleasant activity where we both enjoy it. Thank you Chris.
Comment by Buddy Brewer on March 1, 2009 at 5:32pm
Hey, Chris...Though I have seen and heard all this before, I am constantly amazed that there is always something new to ponder...something that never quite reached me deeply enough before. You are indeed a truly gifted communicator. Looking forward to seeing you at the end of the month!
Buddy

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