I am now 53 years old and I have realized I am not going to the Olympics - at least not as a rider! If fact, I am not sure I will even go watch - I did that in 1984, and while it was exciting and I learned a lot, I am not sure I want to invest the money it would take to go again.

And that is part of why I have surrendered the dream of competing at the international level. Money. It takes a Lot of it, and I do not have that kind of money, nor the access to the backing that it would require. I know a couple super talented Young riders who are in that magic position of having the right horse, having the good scores, and STILL they may not make it to the olympics. Who am I to think I could get there. I am no longer in the position to sacrifice it all and chase a dream.

In fact there are several dreams that I have let fly away. I am not really sorry to see them go. You would think that dreams would lift you up, inspire you, carry you though the hard times. Isn't that how all the Hallmark movies show it? But when you carry a dream too long, sometimes it becomes more of a dead weight, dragging behind you like a ball and chain. I had wrapped myself in so many dreams that I was like the Ghost of Marley, burdened by the unobtainable. Now, I am freeing myself of those chains.

Reaching middle age provides some perspective, and a Large dose of pragmatism. The new acid test for any goal I might set is Obtainability and Sustainability. I want REAL dreams. I am done with the musings of a teenager, who believes all things are possible. Forget the daydreaming of wearing the red hunt coat and competing in show jumpers. Now I think red is a lousy color on me and my back gets grumpy if I hop a horse over a 2'6" fence. I can't imagine being able to walk if I did a 5 foot course! Besides, to compete at that level means traveling to a Lot of A circuit shows. I don't want to live in a horse trailer, or even a motel 6. I don't want to be on the road. I like my life at home.

Which is a large part of resetting goals. Honestly, I have obtained a Lot of the goals I set out to accomplish. I have shown 4th level, I have raised some nice horses, I have a nice ranch. Ok, sure, it needs a bunch of maintenance, but the trees have grown up and the lawns are green and I can wander around in the house in the dark and know where every turn and corner is. You only get that degree of familiarity when you live someplace for a quarter of a century.

There are not a lot of people who can say they have lived in the same home for 25 years. But here I am. I battled my way out of foreclosure twice to hang onto this place. Being here now is a goal realized. And I am not about to throw it out the door for some single time grandiose scheme. So, my new goals have to be something I can Actually do, or figure out how to do, and my life still has to go on afterwards. No going "all in" just to win a small chunk of medal hanging from a silk ribbon.

So, since I have given up the show jumper circuit champion dream, and I now accept I am not going to strike fear in the hearts of Stephan Peters and Anky Van Gruensven, what Does make me get out of bed in the morning - besides the need to pee.

I asked that question right after attending a business seminar, where we were encouraged to rewrite our business plan. Even if we had a well established business - we needed to draw up a 1, 3 and 5 year plan for where our business was headed, and how we were going to get there. I realized I needed to do that same thing for myself. If I have no goals, then I am just going to wander aimlessly.

So, I set out to sort out my dreams. Financially, I am just happy to pay the bills - and know that we might have some sort of retirement fund. If I somehow magically got rich, I would love to sponsor one of those talented riders who should make a run at the olympics. Wouldn't it be great to be someone else's angel? But that doesn't drive me, or make me put my feet down on a cold floor. I am working on making Sweetwater Ranch a true business. My dad says if I am what makes the business run, I don't really have a business - I have a Job. If I want a business, it needs to be able to run without me. So, I am working on getting to the point where I can travel and the business still makes money. That is a major goal, and it is requiring a lot of work.But I admit, it isn't inspiring, just necessary.

As far as my riding goals - oops - suddenly I realize that I stopped having any. Gee, no wonder I am not progressing - what was I Aiming for? Did I think I had learned it all? Am I turning into one of those irritating know it all characters? No, I know what I don't know, and it is far more that what I Do know. Am I just content with where I am? no not really. So, how then did I stop having any riding goals. complacency and maybe a little discouragement. A couple of years ago, I was working very hard with a clinician, and after 4 years, he looked at me and said "what you think is right, is wrong" But we didn't have time to really sort it out, and I just went home. and cried. Shortly thereafter, I took my young stallion to a local dressage show, and while he was distracted, and our scores were low, I was pleased that he was calm and easy to ride. But photos of the day got tossed around in a forum discussion, Louie's every error was hashed and he was trashed and that was more heartbreak than I could face.

In some ways, I AM still a teenager - easily bruised by unkindness. So, I quit. I quit riding with the clinician - why spend $1000's a year to work with someone if after 4 years you are going to have to go back to square one. And I quit showing, why do it, if people are just going to use it to tear you apart. I think I just felt sorry for myself. Now, isn't That special?

So, now it is time to knock the cobwebs off my stagnated self stand up, shake off the dust and Go DO Something! So, it is all about Louie. Sando's Alleluia is 6 now - and ready to go show the world that he is just as special as his momma believes he is. I bred him, I have trained him, in fact no one else has even ridden him. He is far from perfect, but I love him. He is the reason I get out of bed and pull on my boots. And if taking him to shows allows some mean-spirited person to take pot shots at us, so be it. I will know the truth of it. I won't let the nay sayers win by letting them make me hide under a rock.

So, my riding goals looks something like this - Long term - 5 years from now - show Louie successfully at 4th level or above. Do musical freestyles. Mid term - 3 yrs from now - Be able to compete at 3-4 rated dressage shows a year. Go to the CDS championships. Short term - Show Louie at local hunter shows for experience, and go to the local CDS shows at least 2 this year. These are all reasonable obtainable goals - barring a serious injury or illness to either me or Louie.

Now I have to look at the road to success. How do I get from here to there. #1 - back to lessons. It is always funny to tell non horse people I am going to take riding lessons and they look at me like I just sprouted a set of horns! "Haven't you been riding for over 30 years? Don't you know how to ride yet?" It is hard to explain - so I try the olympic analogy - that the top athletes still have COACHES - who help them perfect their form and keep them improving. That usually helps, and if I can remember not to drone on and on about piaffe and passage, the non horse people's eyes don't lose all focus and they don't start muttering about needed to go sort their sock drawers!

#2 - get Louie focused at shows. I have already taken him to one local hunter show this spring. He was fine. In fact for a 6 yr old stallion, he was WONDERFUL. He stood by the trailer, never made a fuss, and he was pretty good in the ring. He had a small melt down when someone set up a row of chairs in front of their truck. Those chairs were NOT there when we went INTO the warm up ring, and according to Louie they had NO BUSINESS being there when we went out! He stopped, backed up, refused to go forward, and we had to have a little battle there at the gate. Happily, these are small shows and we can do such things without messing up 100 other people. We finally got through, and did our hunter course, and then we headed back to the warm up ring. Again, it was the CHAIRS - Fire breathing, ready to pounce any moment Chairs. So, I got OFF, and went over and Sat in each chair. Louie's eyes were wide in horror, although he didn't pull back, he stood as far away as his reins would permit. Each time I got up and then sat on the next chair he would give a soft snort. It was just SO wrong in his mind! Finally, when I sat in the last one, he stepped forward, and very carefully put his nose on my knee. "Are you SURE you are alright? This is Safe???" But after that, we were able to ride past the chairs, because now they were just chairs, and Mom's butt has survived being in them, so the world was once again turning in the right direction. (would that be clockwise or counter?) So, he needs lots of this sort of exposure, if I am going to invest $1000's in show entries at big shows. I don't want to waste money to have a score sheet that says "needs more relaxation" or "Shows potential, just needs mileage" I won't even be content with a "nice pair" - I want to see "Lovely horse, showing correct foundation - ready to move up". I would like marks in the mid to upper 60's - although with score inflation, it seems like that might be aiming low. I recall in the early 80's, you were happy with an upper 50's, and mid 60's routinely won classes. Now, you need a 70 to be in the ribbons! But I am setting OBTAINABLE goals, and I will be happy to over achieve!

#3 - free up some time and money to allow #1 & 2 to happen. I have a few horses I could sell - even in this current crummy market. If the price is low enough and the horse Good enough, there are still people buying horses. I managed to sell a couple this past year. And I gave two away that I had inherited from non board payers. So my personal herd is down 13. I had temporarily gotten down to 11 - then Tango foaled plus I got another horse for non-payment of board. At least She is a good usable lesson horse, and I have known her since she was 4, so she stays. But I still have a few I could sell - a coming 4 yr old son of Sando, A mare that had a back injury that rendered her unridable, has recovered and could be started under saddle now, Sundance the pony has someone coming today to look at him. Anyway, if I sold those, it would ease my hay bill and bring in a little capital. This means I need to green break 2 of them! Every list winds up with Layers of chores that are required to accomplish each goal. But it will be worth it. So, to have more time, I have to invest more time! Why is life full of circular logic traps! At least I enjoy working with nice young horses, and these are my own, so they are free of emotional baggage. They are generally easy to start - so why haven't I started them??? I have a ton of excuses, but they are all full of more holes than my favorite pair of summer riding breeches! So, time to toss them aside and get on with business - no the breeches, just the excuses. It is Tough to have a perfect pair of light weight pants that feel comfy all day long!

Finally, #4 - Get organized and start Working on these goals! One of the best ways to motivate is to let someone else know what you want to do. Then you have put it out there, and it gets darned embarrassing if you don't make progress. So, This blog is my personal announcement. I Will take lessons, improve my sitting trot, get current in show ring trends. I WILL show, locally at first and then some of the real stuff! I Will sell a couple horses, and use the money to pay for lessons and shows. And I will survive. and Thrive.

So, when you see a black and white pinto doing a great freestyle to Harmonica Music and Jazz saxaphone - say hi! That will be Louie and me, living the dream!



Monica Whitmer is the owner and instructor at Sweetwater Ranch in Lancaster Ca, located in Antelope Valley of Southern California. She teaches riding lessons to beginners and advanced riders, as trains young horses.

www.SweetwaterRanchAV.com
www.SweetwaterCarriageCo.com