Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Donna Humber on April 28, 2009 at 11:31am

OH godd, HERE you all are. Wondered if there were any of us left on here!! I just had my big 50, and it made me think about all the changes in me. I am a much better rider, in that it really is about the journey and the conversation between you and your horse. I have accepted that I can do only so much. I cannot change those who are harsh or "toxic" [love that word], so save my energy for the things I CAN do. I only teach now when I want to, and who I want to.
I also have a long memory, and never seem able to forget a slight, but I try to look at it not as a negative thing, just as a lesson learned and not forgotten. I have learned that a 30yr plus veteran ICU and OR nurse can only, physically handle so much, so on days when I HAVE TO RIDE that test, yet really am tired from work and unlikely to do a good job, I will ride part of it, and work on just the departs or halt or something, and once achieved, I get off. I am fortunate in my present horse, she has a million dollar temperament, and although struggles in some of the movements, is calmly trucking along and we will get there. She's coming 9 and doing second level dressage. She will happily jump a nice 3' course, and although not a perfect specimen conformationwise...gives her very best, all the time.
I have suffered great losses in my life, and find as I get older they don't matter now. There is less of the headstrong girl I was, and more of the relaxed cynic. I really LOVE reading here how many of you think as I do.
Just nice to know there are others who are feeling many of the same things.
I am happy. I am looking forward to retireing, and plan to spend most of my time with my mare and...just perhaps.... a project or two.

Permalink Reply by Cindy Jeffery on April 28, 2009 at 1:47pm

I am so happy to have found this page it gives us "overthehillgang" somewhere to share our inner thoughts on this road called life. Isn't it wonderful to finally be able to slow down and look back at where we've been? Like all of you of had some bad stuff happen and as I look back all of them were because of my choices direct or indirect so in the long run and as I review I can only forgive because if I don't I will be angry and bitter the rest of my life and I don't want to live like that. I don't want to live all rapped up in myself and how hurt I was over 20 years ago. So I can choose to have a long memory for the things that matter most to me now family, horses, teaching riding, youth. In doing so I still retain some measure of youthfulness inside and a whole lot of wisdom to share. :-)

Permalink Reply by Jan Jollymour on April 28, 2009 at 1:52pm

I agree with Riley and Chris - life's too short and too precious to allow toxic personalities to affect me, especially when I'm riding.

That said, I have to say also that people learn and grow (wth regard to Barbara's original comments), and that some of those who really were jerks early on have changed and grown, just as I have, and some of them have become people I now value.

I think you have to go with your gut reaction (mine's really become quite accurate over the years). There are people I really could not stand to be near 20 years ago who I now enjoy as clients, so I have to say we've all lived and learned, but there are still some who make my hackles go up and always did, and I stay away from them. I'm not nasty (unless they push me) and I just try to stay away from them. It's amazing what walking away from them and towards people/horses you like can do for your outlook!

As Riley and I have both said, we work to surround ourselves with supportive and positive personalities, and that makes all our of interactions interesting, expanding and fun!

Permalink Reply by Dorothy McDonall on April 28, 2009 at 2:10pm

Sounds good to me ...

Permalink Reply by Stephanie Sanderson on April 28, 2009 at 9:27pm

I don't bounce so I want a more reliable horse. One that is less reactive. Don't want to start from scratch anymore. Although I am with the yearling in my own barn. But she is very willing and smart and catches on real quick. At times she is better than my 14 year old mare that I have had since she was a yearling.

Permalink Reply by Cyndi on April 29, 2009 at 9:41am

I bought my first horse last year, at the age of 40. Before that, I had only ridden occasionally, but I've always had a passion for horses.

As time went by, I began to lose hope that I'd ever get a horse, and started to accept the fact that I would be horseless forever. Then things fell into place and I was able to get my little mare (Canadien Horse/Newfoundland Pony cross). I was thrilled! But then the doubts hit me - can I really do this? am I too old to get into horses? do I have what it takes to own a horse? My husband has been wonderful in encouraging me, but the doubts are still there.

I started taking natural horsemanship classes before I brought my horse home, then continued to take lessons for a few months afterward. My lessons were at a different facility, so I worked with the well-trained horses there. It was a bit of a different story when I'd go to the barn where my horse was boarded and attempt to work with her. Even with the well trained lessons horses, I soon discovered that I am a real softy. I am not a natural leader, so the horses tend to lose respect for me and walk all over me.

I fell off my horse a couple of times last summer, so that made my confidence nose-dive too. The three times I fell off were mostly due to a lack of balance (one time was bareback in a round pen and I slid off when she started to trot, for example). The times when my horse spooked and I fell off, it was entirely my fault because I didn't plan ahead and did something stupid.

I've taken riding lessons over the winter (again, at another stable, not on my own horse), and my horse is going to my trainer's this Friday (I am so happy!!). The lessons have helped build my confidence and my balance, but it still has a long way to go. Once my trainer gets a new schedule made up, I will be heading back into lessons. And I will be taking lessons on my horse while she's there.

I find that because I am new to the horse ownership/training thing, I am easily intimidated. I had a horrible experience a while ago with the neighbour of my stable. I let her "bully" me into how I "should" show my horse how to respect me - she stepped in a proceeded to jerk on my horse's lead while I stood there in shock. I will never go near her again!!! I have to learn how to stand up to pushy people and nicely tell them that we have a difference in opinion on how to train horses, and that they can do what they want, while I do what I want.

As far as getting older, I find that I am less tolerant of some things. I used to be so much more easy-going. But having been hurt a few times by people when I was growing up, I think I'm still carrying some bitterness inside. I need to let that go or else I'm going to turn into a grumpy old woman that my kids will never want to visit!!

Permalink Reply by Dorothy McDonall on April 29, 2009 at 9:59am

Hi Cyndi!

Your story echoes mine in many ways. I didn't own my first horse til I was 43 -- after a life time of dreaming about it and riding schoolies (and there's nothing wrong with that except they weren't "mine.") I also went through the "Am I too old; do I really have what it takes?" doubts and I had a supportive partner who just kept nudging me in the direction of ownership. As well, I enrolled myself in natural horsemanship courses with Chris Irwin, which rocked my world -- not just as a horse person but as a human being. It was life altering and made my relationship with my horse that much more meaningful. I learned to be confident in his presence and to earn his trust, and respect, in a horse-friendly way. Having my wonderful Bear has given me the opportunity to grow into my middle age more confidently and become the person I had always hoped I would be. That is, perhaps, one of the greatest gifts my horse has given me -- the gift of my "self." And when I look at Bear and how relaxed and happy he is in my presence I realize that I really am okay.

I've learned to let the grumpy ol' gal go (although I do have my moments of low energy and self-pity from time to time -- but at least I recognize that now), and to be in every moment. I don't have kids, but my animals are also a good gauge of who I am at any given time.

Have fun on your journey with your horse.

Permalink Reply by Cyndi on April 29, 2009 at 8:32pm

It's nice to know that you're not alone, isn't it? :o)

I've heard really good things about Chris Irwin.

Glad to hear that Bear is helping you along as you grow into who you want to be!

Permalink Reply by Donna Humber on April 29, 2009 at 10:39am

Oh my, I simply HATE the yank yank method of "correcting" the horse. My poor old mare, traumatised by previous life, who was edgy and tense with handlers she didn't know, was treated this way by a young fool at a new barn I moved to. She was only spooking a bit, and threw her head up to see. She never touched the end of a lead in the 18 years I owned her...too afraid. Well, when the yank session was starting....I saw red...I only remember shouting something about breaking this kids arm, grabbed my now quivering mare and insisted she never touch her again. My poor old girl was the best halter\ground broke horse I ever had the pleasure to deal with. She was hot, certainly, she was better for me because we had a trusting relationship, no doubt, but there is no excuse for the yanking on a horses' sensitive poll..For heaven's sake, you want the head down, and midline, with the horse at your shoulder for leading. They should match their speed to yours. All of them will throw their head up to see better...it's how their vision works. I can never understand how being harsh is considered an acceptable substitute for proper training. I have to board, so I am very careful to teach all of mine excellent ground manners. Good for you for getting "rid" of the helpful neighbour. Problem is, the world is full of them. They will grab the lead out of your hand to "show" you and your horse what's what. The quiet, silent person over in the corner, who has been shot down so often that they have learned to mind their own business...is probably the one you want to get advice from...not the one who comes running & spouting all sorts of tips !!!
I LOVE grumpy old women...I think many of us have earned the right. After all, we have to listen to rude and agressive young'uns every day !!! Whew...turned into a rant...must have touched a nerve !!!

Permalink Reply by Dorothy McDonall on April 29, 2009 at 10:48am

I agree ... once you get to this age you've earned the right to have an opinion or two and express it and growl in the process, if necessary. However, rather than grumpy I prefer to be formidible when the moment calls for it ... ;-)

Permalink Reply by Cyndi on April 29, 2009 at 8:47pm

I find that after years of being a doormat, I am starting to object to things that I don't feel are right or fair. I guess that's not a bad thing, but I do get my hackles up easier than I used to.

Permalink Reply by Cyndi on April 29, 2009 at 8:44pm

Wow, the boldness of some people is amazing, isn't it? Funny you should mention the people you'd want to ask advice from, and those you don't want advice from. I changed barns last fall because my horse ended up with laminitis from the poor quality round bales she had in her field, and there was a lady at that barn who used to drive me nuts with her unasked-for advice. She was all gung ho on me getting a horse, talking about how she'll help me train my horse, all the riding we'd do together, etc. (which I didn't really ask for in the first place), but as soon as my girl arrived, this lady couldn't find anything nice to say. If she wasn't outright criticizing something about my horse's appearance (dusty, pigeon-toed, etc.), then she was criticizing my horse and me behind my back (I was doing natural horsemanship, which she doesn't do, so of course she's going to criticize every little thing...never mind the fact that I am just learning, and she's been around horses all her life). Yep, I grew really tired of that rather quickly. So I was more than happy when my vet suggested that I find another barn to board at.

Things are going well at the new barn (except for that run-in with the neighbour), but now there's a new girl boarding her horse, and she is rather bold. Without me asking, she has offered to help me learn how to ride, and to train my horse! That was on the first day I met her!!! So far I have managed to be at the barn when she's not there, and my horse is heading off for two months of training, so I won't have to worry about her for a while.

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