I’m often asked about my thoughts regarding the paradox of a rider or horse owner/enthusiast trying to develop a true bond with a horse while the horse is in a boarding stable and therefore primarily "in the care" of others.

For many people it seems almost futile to put the time and effort into becoming so conscientious about your own approach to your horse when you have little or no control over how the staff and/or volunteers at the boarding stable are behaving with and handling your horse in your absence.

From my experience, it may indeed require a longer period of time to develop consistently positive results in terms of feeling good about your relationship with your horse, but it is not impossible or unrealistic to hope that you can achieve a deep bond based in mutual respect and trust with a horse even if you only spend a few hours a week with your horse while the rest of the time he or she is in the company of so many other people.

On a similar note, at almost every clinic I give there are always a few riders who are totally amazed by how well there horse has performed for them as they learn to do things "differently" both on the ground and in the saddle. They are thrilled with the results but they are concerned about going back to their regular coach who has had them doing things with their horses that have never given them the softness, suppleness, relaxation and willingness that they are experiencing with their horse during the clinic.

I feel for these students. First of all, they not only feel limited already by the fact that they must keep their horse in a boarding stable environment but then they take it one step further and ask "how can I explain to my coach that what we've been doing with my horse has not been working and how can I get them to be willing to try these new techniques?"

Ouch – political hot potato! If the coach has an ego that can not accept that it was someone else who had the knowledge to help you achieve your goals then unfortunately they will start to find reasons why the techniques are somehow "wrong" despite the fact that the obvious results should clearly speak for themselves. Bottom line, if the coach does not want to hear that there is something for them to learn then the problem is not your horse. The problem is that you now know better then your coach and you now need a new coach and this may or may not mean a new boarding stable.

I can tell you that, on average, when coaches and/or trainers suddenly see that their students are looking elsewhere and getting better results trying new and different techniques then the vast majority of them go into denial. All too often we see egos that simply can not accept that now their student can teach them something about horses. And they definitely don’t want to hear "but the clinician last weekend said..."

On the other hand, to be fair and balanced, there are indeed lots of the pro horse people out there that are true enough in their integrity and desire to do best by the horses that they "see the light" and accept at face value that when the results not only speak for themselves but that the theory behind the results does in fact truly "make sense", that is, it makes horse sense, then they adopt, adapt and often improve.

As I have learned for myself and as I tell my certified trainers - don't try to convert the horse industry to your “new way” of horsemanship. Just change yourself, and that will change the horses, and when people see that your horses have changed for the better then the people who care will ask you how you did it. The people who do not care will simply not care and will blow off your results as a fluke.

So, first we must learn the techniques well enough to "walk the talk" that truly establish the desired results of happier horses performing better then ever. Then, if the people around us who share in the handling of our horses do not care about what works and what does not then it is up to us to take the responsibility to surround ourselves with people who do. This, as we all know, is not always easy.

It might be more convenient to board at one barn rather then another because it is closer to where we live, or perhaps they have a nicer, bigger, indoor arena. However, if this is really about the horse, then we need to do what we need to do to assure quality control and if that means driving a little farther then so be it. After all, it may take twenty minutes longer to drive to a different boarding stable but, if when we get there our horses are happier and it is quicker and easier to do things like tack up because our horses are calmer and standing still instead of dancing around, venting their stress that has been exacerbated by how the people handling them on a daily basis behave, then we may actually be saving time driving farther if things with our horse go quicker and easier once we get there.

Finally, if you do not find a more user friendly barn for your horse to be boarded at but you do indeed learn to walk the talk of the techniques that do help your horse see you as a more user friendly leader, then while it may be three steps forward and two steps backwards in terms of progress, you will indeed make progress.

A horse has enough of a mind of its own to know that people are individuals. Your horse will make it clear that it knows that "Bob is a bully, while Mary is a pushover, while Mike is a space cadet, while Debby is inconsistent and unpredictable." Your horse will react to each of these people differently. And then there can be you.

As long as when you show up your horse knows unequivocally that you are a force to be reckoned with but nothing to be afraid of then your horse will both respect and trust you. If your horse knows that you, as an individual, are consistently aware and empathetically focused on what you can do to make your horse as calm and confident as possible, then your horse will bow to you even though it wants nothing to do with Bob and may still tend to push Mary around. You will always need to take a few minutes each time you show up to "undo" the damage done by the people around your horse who send mixed and counterproductive messages but your horse, over time, will know that you are the one user friendly constant in its life and it will begin to show signs of relief (yawning for example) whenever you show up at the barn.

But again, the bottom line in all of this is that first and foremost you must be able to walk the talk for yourself with your horses. Your horse may not be in the best school environment but at least you can learn to become its favourite teacher because it knows you walk the talk of "ask not what your horse can do for you, ask what you can do for your horse".