Do you have O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome?

Living with O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome by Scooter Grubb

Just recently, after years of research, I have finally been able to give a name to what my wife and I have been living with for years. It's an affliction, for sure, which when undiagnosed and misunderstood can devastate and literally tear a family apart.

Very little is known about O.C.E.A.N. Syndrome. But it is my hope this article will generate interest from researchers involved in the equine and psychological sciences. You will, no doubt, begin to identify similar
symptoms in your own family and hopefully now be able to cope.

Obsessive Compulsive Equine Attachment Neurosis Syndrome (O.C.E.A.N.) is usually found in the female and can manifest itself anytime from birth to the golden years. Symptoms may appear any time and may even go dormant in
the late teens, but the syndrome frequently re-emerges in later years.

Symptoms vary widely in both number and degree of severity. Allow me to share some examples which are most prominent in our home.

The afflicted individual:

1. Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether milk has gone bad until it turns chunky.

2. Finds the occasional "Buck and Fart" session hugely entertaining, but severely chastises her husband for similar antics.

3. Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.

4. Considers equine gaseous excretions a fragrance.

5. Enjoys mucking out four stalls twice a day, but insists on having a housekeeper mop the kitchen floor once a week.

6. Will spend an hour combing and trimming an equine mane, but wears a baseball cap so she doesn't waste time brushing her own hair.

7. Will dig through manure piles daily looking for worms, but does not fish.

8. Will not hesitate to administer a rectal exam up to her shoulder, but finds cleaning out the Thanksgiving turkey cavity for dressing quite repulsive.

9. By memory can mix eight different supplements in the correct proportions, but can't make macaroni and cheese that isn't soupy.

10. Twice a week will spend an hour scrubbing algae from the water tanks, but has a problem cleaning lasagna out of the casserole dish.

11. Will pick a horse's nose, and calls it cleaning, but becomes verbally violent when her husband picks his.

12. Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but is unable to make it through a half-hour episode of Cops.

The spouse of an afflicted victim:

1. Must come to terms with the fact there is no cure, and only slightly effective treatments. The syndrome may be genetic or caused by the inhaling of manure particles which, I propose, have an adverse effect on female
hormones.

2. Must adjust the family budget to include equine items - hay, veterinarian services, Ferrier services, riding boots, and clothes, supplements, tack, equine masseuse and acupuncturist - as well as the (mandatory) equine spiritual guide, etc. Once you have identified a monthly figure, never look at it again. Doing so will cause tightness in your chest, nausea, and occasional diarrheal.

3. Must realize that your spouse has no control over this affliction. More often than not, she will deny a problem even exists as denial is common.

4. Must form a support group. You need to know you're not alone - and there's no shame in admitting your wife has a problem. My support group, for instance, involves men who truly enjoy Harley Davidson's, four-day weekends, and lots of whiskey. Most times she is unaware that I am even gone, until the precise moment she needs help getting a 50 pound bag of grain out of the truck!

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Comment by Jackie Cochran on April 23, 2009 at 2:26pm: But look at it this way. Because of horses I am still ambulatory in spite of my Multiple Sclerosis. If not for the O.C.E.A.N. I would be a crippled woman.

Comment by Lexi on April 21, 2009 at 7:09pm: It's nice to find out that my crazyness has a name. Now when my friends ask I can tell them I have O.C.E.A.N syndrome!!!!!!

Comment by kizzywizzy on April 21, 2009 at 11:48am: Its helpful to have a name for this affliction after all these years, and dire warnings from my mother when I was 10 that I would turn out looking like a horse ..... But no mention of a cure? Probably incurable and fatal in the long run! I'll die happy!!!!

Comment by Barnmice Admin on April 21, 2009 at 11:31am: Welcome Scooter! We've all been having a good laugh thanks to your clever "diagnosis"!

Comment by Scooter Grubb on April 21, 2009 at 11:23am: I appreciate all the comments. I am Scooter and I wrote this piece in 2006. Magazines didn't want it but my wife sent it to a couple of her friends and it has since been around the world several. It pleases me imeasruably (sp) that it has brought a grin to so many "sufferers" faces. My wife is the study subject and not only works her own horses but trains and is vry involved in equine rescue efforts.
After many requests I have recently built a product line around the Syndrome. Just follow the link and show your pride around the barn that you are "sick" with no cure and don't intend to look for one.
Thanks again and here is the link. http://www.zazzle.com/badscootie/gifts?cg=196735298510193369

Comment by Cindy Jeffery on April 20, 2009 at 11:11pm: I'm definitely there with you.....almost lost my husband 5 years ago, until I agreed to let 3 out of 9 horses go. It made me so violently ill and depressed he hasn't mentioned getting rid of horses again. I didn't realize how bad the syndrome was. I was depressed for about 2 years, not only did I give the 3 mares away but my Mom died and one of our dogs died all in one year. This brought on lumps on my liver which the doctors thought was cancer because my Mom died of secondary liver cancer. Things have evened out somewhat now and I'm totally glad that I have my faith and the "princess" (mare) and the "boys" (5 geldings) to get me through.

Comment by Rebecca Franklin on April 20, 2009 at 6:52pm: lmao. I definately am afflicated with this disease. My husband can definately relate to the spouses side.

Comment by Natasha Sukorokoff on April 20, 2009 at 2:45pm: oh wow. so true. who is the genius that discovered O.C.E.A.N. syndrome?

Comment by Lallanslover on April 20, 2009 at 12:57pm: I've got it baaaaaad!

Comment by Shirley on April 20, 2009 at 12:42pm: Oh what a reality! I'm so glad this has finally been diagnosed as a syndrome. My family and myself have been dealing with this issue for about 5 years now. We thought it would get better with time but that certainly has NOT been the case.
I doubt they will ever find a cure for this condition but I'm not sure I want them too. Horses are a great thing to be passionately impulsive about.