Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara F. on April 29, 2009 at 10:14pm

That;s great Cyndi, because even when your horse gets back you can still say to the girl "Oh no thanks, I am working with a trainer already." :)

Permalink Reply by Eileen on April 30, 2009 at 6:00pm

Hmmm, Do I do things differently than I did 50 years ago...well yeah, I do. I have much more patience, experience, knowledge, then way back then. I started out riding alone, and I still do many times. What started that was there was only one horse for us 3 kids to ride so what choice was there.??
I certainly have covered a lot of territory since I was a kid. I never was competitive so trail riding was my forte. But in answer to your question, I find that when I am out on the trail by myself, I will not take any foolish chances. If a trail looks "iffy" for what ever reason, I do not go down it, I figure if I really want to use it, I will wait for some friends for buddies. If I am with riding buddies, I find that I will look at things differently now too...It is just not worth the risk and hurting me or my horse or both just to "try something" I also have learned to listen to my horse...they have some built in radar which can tell them that "this is not safe, don't go there" for instance, swampy areas, hidden terraine by leaves in the fall. A hidden animal of prey on the trail, the horses can sense things that we do not have a clue about. I have learned to respect that fact.

Permalink Reply by Sabine Schleese on May 1, 2009 at 3:16pm

This is something someone sent me long ago, but it is so true.


I am no longer critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not
making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I
didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am
entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon
before they understood the great freedom that comes with "maturity"..

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until
4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the
60& and70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a
lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging
body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get older.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life
is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the
important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How
can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a
child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a
car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and
understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine
and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning
gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into lines
on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have
died before their hair could turn silver. [doesn't mean I will grow old
gracefully however! - SS]

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less
about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like getting older. It has set
me free. I like the person I have become. I am not
going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not
waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will
be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like
it)

[And - I try to surround myself with positive people and maintain my passion
for life and my work!]

Permalink Reply by Cindy Jeffery on May 10, 2009 at 12:38pm

Sabine....well said, as I read this I could actually see the progression of my life in bits and pieces. It is so true how it is written. And it encourages me, thanks.

Permalink Reply by Margaret H. Ostrowski on May 2, 2009 at 4:26pm

More fearful; need to take more risks but I've had lots of trauma in my life in my many 55 yrs so I come by it honestly! My husband wants me to give up riding...

Permalink Reply by Barbara F. on May 2, 2009 at 4:42pm

Hey Margaret, You don't need to take more safety risks if you don't want to. It won't make you a coward or less of a person in any way. Who says any of us has to take safety risks anyway?? As far as giving up riding, maybe you need to rearrange things a bit, or have a conversation with your coach about getting more help, but as far as I'm concerned, if you're nervous and you go up to the barn and ride anyway, that's pretty impressive by me!

To paraphrase John Wayne "courage is being terrified but saddling up anyway."

As far as taking small risks in other areas of life (an new hair style, a different genre of book, travel to a new place, a new business or volunteer project etc.) I think those types of risks are well worth taking.
the name of the game is "baby steps"!

Permalink Reply by Peter & Sue Wright on May 2, 2009 at 7:23pm

When I ran my first 85km ultra-marathon at age 40, a 79 year old finished the race only 20 minutes behind me and in front of thousands of younger runners. He had been a world class runner in his youth, but his performance inspired me to never let age stop me doing anything I wanted.

Although I had ridden horses most of my life and played Polo-Crosse for many years, I started playing Polo on a full size field at age 50, using 4 of my Thoroughbreds. Playing Polo on good, fast horses has to be one of the most exhilirating experiences possible. I had my most serious riding injury that year when my horse slipped, landed on my leg and arm breaking several bones. I was back on a horse in plaster 2 weeks later - but not playing Polo for a while.

After surviving some dangerous and traumatic experiences during the political upheaval in ZImbabwe, my wife and I moved to Canada at age 54 with virtually nothing. We started a new life and now have 4 horses. Although I am careful when riding my "difficult" paint and my young Morgan, I still intend to accomplish much more in my life and will continue to try everything I want to despite my age.

Like Barbara and other commentators, I do not feel the need to compete as strongly as when I was younger but I don't rule out getting involved in a new equine sport when I can cut back on the time I spend building up my business.

I think that I have "mellowed" with age and in some areas become more tolerant, but like others I am not afraid to take risks.

Living in a 3rd world country for most of my life, I have become painfully aware both of how easily lives can be cut short by a cruel turn of fate and how one's material possessions and wealth can be completely destroyed in a heartbeat.

Life is too short to worry, every day needs to be lived to it's fullest and no matter how bad things may seem, if we are breathing, we have a lot to be grateful for. If we are fortunate enough to own and ride horses, we are truly blessed.

Permalink Reply by Cindy Jeffery on May 10, 2009 at 12:42pm

Amen to that! Your story is encouraging, thank you Peter.

Permalink Reply by Sharon B on May 2, 2009 at 8:39pm

Wow what a great group & what an interesting discussion. I can relate to so many of you.

Thanks to the support of my husdand, I began riding in my mid-twenties. Life got in the way and work, young children and finances put an end to my riding until I lost a friend suddenly. I realized that life is too short put your dreams on hold as tomorrow might not come. I went back to riding with a whole new attitude. I was doing this for me and have nothing to prove to anyone else. My husband surprised me with my 1st horse for my 40th birthday.

Horses have provided me with the opportunity to succeed and to fail and to live with both - lessons that carry through to all aspects of life. They are honest and do not appologize for it - now neither do I. Do I take risks? Yes, but not risk brought on by rashness. I decided that I would not give in to fear of the what if's. I'm sure that the many of the people at the barn where I ride think I'm the crazy lady with the crazy horse, but I found a kindred spirit in my horse and we have truly enjoyed each other. Life threw another curve and she has had to be retired due to complications of an old injury. We are about to embark on a new adventure as she is going to be bred this year.

As for toxic people, I truly believe that if you do not like or respect a person, why would you give any weight to their oppinions. People who make themselves feel important by cutting down others are usually stopped in their tracks when they come up against someone who will not buy into their tactics. With age comes the freedom to look someone square in the eye and say "I think you're full of s%#t"!

I was blessed with an amazing 1st coach who was a true horse woman in every sense of the word. She once told me "anyone who says they know everything about horses knows nothing". The older I get, the clearer her wisdom is. And yes she was over 40!

Permalink Reply by Jenny Hiscox on May 2, 2009 at 10:43pm

Wow Sharon, what a wonderful story!

I relate to the statement about horses teaching you to succeed and to fail. I really learned with my mare, probably for the first time in my life, to enjoy doing things I wasn't already good at just as much as things I naturally excelled at. We always say the words and try to teach our children that it's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game, but it was horses that really taught me to have just as much joy at trying my best as at succeeding with flying colours.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Ellin Fox on May 10, 2009 at 11:32am

Hey Barbara F.
You sound like my twin! I was always opinionated, particularly about horse things, but tended to keep things to myself- retreating rather than standing my ground- but now I like my opinions and I don't feel badly about them. It's sort like outgrowing the doormat stage.
The other day the lady who owns the feed store unloaded on me about the swine flu (the topic had come up a few days earlier in a different place). I shocked myself, the two girls with me and the workers by standing up for myself. (Good Grief I AM allowed to be concerned about swine flu, if I want to be! is a paraphrase of what I said). As the hay was being loaded into my truck the lady came out to apologize and she burst into tears....... but now when my girls go to the feed room she runs into the back so she doesn't have to face them. I never realized what a fierce person I was!

My riding techniques are much gentler than they were when I was younger. I'm more patient. And I have way more tolerance and empathy for people who are in situations or breeds that I was not so tolerant of in the past. And it's much easier for me to stand my ground at my own place. And I don't have a need to compete but probably will again.

At 60 I'm more nervous in riding than I have ever been. In my history I rode whatever, where-ever, over anything. Now windy days can make me unreasonably nervous. I've had more serious wrecks between 40-60 than in my whole riding career, so that may account for it. My mind realizes that certain strengths are just not there but my mind doesn't accept it. And I have gained weight that won't leave for anything. Those are all things that could cause a little loss of confidence. And my reaction time is not as good. I'm determined to combat these things but am starting behind the eight ball because I sat around licking my wounds and pampering myself for awhile....so if anyone has encouragement or ideas- I'd love to read them.

My brain and my body are not at all in agreement!

Permalink Reply by Cyndi on May 10, 2009 at 12:51pm

Hi Barbara.

Welcome here. I'm a newbie in here too. I came to Barnmice through our provincial equestrian federation, but discovered some cool groups that I have an interest in :o)

I hope I'm not committing a no-no by talking about another group, but I've been thinking about how you'd like some encouragement. Have you ever heard of Gincy Bucklin? She's written a couple of books, and she is geared towards helping people with confidence issues with riding their horses. She has a yahoo group called ridingwithconfidence. Everyone in there is very encouraging and helpful. No one criticizes your fears, and offers great support. I'm not saying that anyone in here would criticize you, but just that there is a group set up for that purpose. Perhaps we could get one going in here?

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