Personal space and respect

I don't believe that the horse being in "our space" has to be a sign of disrespect. First of all, it depends on what the horse has been taught; if we haven't told it that this is something we don't want, then how is it a sign of disrespect? Second off all; if we HAVE told it that we don't want it close, why do we have to look at it as disrespect? Why not use the word disobedient? And, why not take a closer look at WHY before we start making assumptions. I think the word respect and disrespect are overused and kind of hard to understand.

When I handle young horses as well as older, but insecure animals, they often try to get very close. They seem to want my support and help, and in my view that is far from disrespectful. Sometimes, if it's a big horse that is showing stress in a way that makes me think it is likely to jump in the air at any moment, I will get it to move away from me.

I don't do that with a light heart; I can see that I am pushing it away when it needs my support, but I do it to make sure I don't get hurt. Not that I think it would want to hurt me, but in that state of mind, when it is stressed by it's surroundings, it can easily happen that it gets spooked and can run me down unintentionally. If I am knocked down I won't be much good to the horse, so I get it to move away from me so I can try to help it with a distance between us until it has calmed down a little.

By doing that I make it even harder for the horse and it takes a bit longer for me to help it, but I also need to feel safe in order to be able to give the horse the reassurance that it needs.
As soon as I feel that the horse isn't explosive I will let it be very close to me, and from that position I can help it feel like it's OK.

I can see NO disrespect in a horse acting this way; the horse is doing the same thing a youngster does with it's mother. Notice how a horse often will get very close to the other horses when feeling upset! If a horse does that with me, I think of it as a good thing rather than a bad thing; the horse is showing me that it want's my support.

There is a lot of talk about us being the leader. What is the role of the leader if not this: someone they can turn to for support when they are feeling upset and insecure?

O'boy, I think I just entered another aspect of these body language signals, and this is a bit of a can of worms I'm afraid; the issue of leadership! :) I will get into that soon, it really is related to the calming signals in a way, but that will be in a separate posting :)

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ann Crago on October 15, 2010 at 11:39am

All our group members have many valuable thoughts. All I have to say right now might seem a little strange....I have been working with my green Haflinger Ziggy for a couple of years now...( he was fresh from the pasture " green" when I first got him) and for all we have done ..trail riding..long-reining..just starting dressage and so on....what happened the other day WAS MOST STRIKING to me...and might sound dumb...BUT...
He stepped on my foot...and INSTANTLY shifted his weight to get off my foot...I hadn't said a thing...and it happened so fast...I , later , realized he KNEW..what he had done by mistake and corrected himself INSTANTLY....I didn't even feel anything but a quick pressure and then it was removed......I found that so amazing...and the more I thought about it , the more amazing I found it. A little thing ? perhaps but it increased my trust that he is finally getting that what HE does CAN effect ME.......With manners dawning like that...he can stand as close to me as he likes.....I like it....friends don't push each other away...they KNOW how much and when to get close.....

Permalink Reply by Marlene Thoms on October 15, 2010 at 4:20pm

What Ziggy did does not surprise me at all Ann. I, like you, get pretty up close and personal with my Gelding. I've had him a year now and he's 11, so old enough to know better as I say, lol. Not only have I had the distinct impression he tries to be careful with me, I have seen amazing consideration given to my dogs as well. My young German Shepherd is very "in your face" with the horses, a little cheeky, but mostly just loves them to bits. She has no fear and is always underfoot. You would think by the law of averages she would have been hurt by now. Once only her foot was slightly stepped on and that was by the old 28 year old mare who has her own problems coordinating her arthritic legs. When my shepherd gets way too cheeky my gelding will shake his head at her, fake joust, and even turn and kick his heels,or even a fake nip, but you can tell he is deliberately missing her. I have actually seen him giving her a total back rub, and she will roll over for a tummy rub, right there at his feet. Maybe all horses are not considerate of their barn or human companions, but I think in general they are quite aware of their size and how fragile , and sometimes not very careful we are.
I also have the feeling when I am riding him, that although he and I don't always see eye to eye on some things, he does try to keep me safe. It's hard to say how I get this feeling, but it's just a vibe I get from him.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Lamm on October 16, 2010 at 11:12am

I agree with Marlene.... my horses are so nice to me... I can't explain it..... but I've practiced going into really tight spaces with them..... and being real up close.... i've never been stepped on by either of them..... one time Olivers sheath was swollen I think he got stung by a bee.... I tried to touch it to see if I could help.. it was so hot..... he kept nuzzling me with his nose, pushing me away gently. .... like please do not touch it..... he moves out of my way on purpose if I stand still and see what he will do... I truly believe that they want to be gentle friends...

Permalink Reply by Ann Crago on October 20, 2010 at 12:08pm

Glad I'm not so crazy LOL but I do believe in general the gentleness shows up as they age..and get a lot of experience in life...that's what should make the older kind horses so much appreciated ( if they are lucky to also have kind owners) even when they become old and have all the problems that come with it...They HAVE sure earned every consideration we can give them....I am pretty sure I have found my " Steady Eddie" in Ziggy....and pray that in 20 years when I am 76 ( yike!!) we will be the "old guys" still out on the trail !!!